Big-Ring, Loose-ring
Full Results from Timelaps
I was honoured to be part of these numplumz boys top cycling race thingy, though the organisers had to wait so long for the rain to stop, that it was dark when they decided to start, men can't organise anything.
I was ready for ages, I had my comfy chair and wine all ready, good job too otherwise I would have missed seeing all those fit toned -lads getting changed. This was going to be good, they talked about having to strip off every lap from their wet clothes....wahoo, they weren't the only moist ones.
So off they went, although they all ran off without their bikes and had to come back for them, boys hey.
The one they call BigRing, shame what a waste girls, went really fast chased hard by that really nice Ed..................ummmmm...............sorry, I drifted off there.
Anyway me and Rob, Adi's dad settled down for our long night as top pit crew, he played with his drinks bottles and jelly babies while I kept my wine warm.
Soon the boys were back, BigRing first in 41:23 for 10 miles in the dark, chase me, seems like a nice boy. Adi was next, and as quick as a snail, Rob had him refuelled and off he went.
Jack swapped with MrRing and settled in behind him as they rode away, firm buttocks glistening in tight lycra as they pumped away, up and down.....ahem where was I.
Oh yes Ed was next, 44.32 poor dear, he needed a cuddle. Had to wait till Martin went off on his lap first of course, and now for another bottle of wine to celebrate.
It was quite warm early on for a September night, and those sweating boys were soon towelling down, what joy, better go and help them.
Adi and Jack (42:27) returned together again, turns out Adi was leading the solo's and the boys were 2nd in the pairs race, and this lasted for 5 laps too. My Martin showed that lovely Ed up by doing 43:01, he's going to get such a slap later, and sent Nigel out.
They too were in 2nd place in the 4 mans team race.
Now hang on, are they cheating there are only 3 of them, I ask Jack what's that all about and he tells me I'm going to have to ride for them.........you can fall out with some people quickly.
I could tell Adi was in trouble though, I mean yellow shorts with a orange top, what was he thinking, call the fashion Police, no wonder not many girls ride, I wouldn't be seen dead in some of that gear. Now where's me pink duvet and slippers its getting cold.
4am and itsh very cold...Hic. I'm wrpashed in my duvet watshing them stchill goin round an rund, just like my head. I've onsly got one bottle of Chardoney lkeft, and the boyzee are to intrested in stuffing thers faces widh all sortz of wierd food than helping keep me warm. I thought my luck wash in wmen i heard then dishcushing a great chest. Turns out they meant Robs big food Chest, pahh. Bet cyclishts are all gay anyway thash why they shaves ther legs.
Dont ask me watsh appnin I havnet got a clue, they keep coming back so i guess nonz got losth yet.
Even Rob won't let me have sonoozy dreammy sleep cuddshles with him in the back of his luv bus, I'm just going to have to sleep now, waste of timze thish has bin.
8am and its light again, at least I think it is, my eyes seem to be welded together, but I'm not the only one looking like Shit Oh no. Ow my head, keep the noise down boys, must you fart non stop.
Adi looks like death on a stick, now I'm no cyclist but I told him he went to fast, I mean why does he do it. If he'd spent the night in a Turkish gay prison I bet he wouldn't feel so bad, and his arse would definitely not be as sore. Shame He really tried but only got 4th after all that effort.
Now Ed, that's a real cyclist, after taking over from Nige who did a 43:51 to end his session, that fine hunk of a man sped round in 44:34 to grab their team 3rd spot and if it hadn't been for the other two he would have got 2nd too. They were only 20 seconds behind at the end, poor dears, it took 16 laps to decide that. Never mind their blue tops looked awfully gay.
Now then Ed about these numplumz you have.........oh shut up Martin.
Jack and MrRing were no fun, they were so fast they never stayed naked for more than a few seconds before they were either in the toilet, at the burger van or doing some dodgy dealing in a tent. Charging lights they said, oh yes we know its drugs, there all on them. Stunts there animal instincts I reckon, they never once wanted a cuddle.
Anyway they came third too, 17 laps they did. Seemed pretty happy after making that poor Mike Cowland and friend from Ben Hayward Cycles cry by smashing all their best efforts, they are so cruel at times.
Some others kept coming over too, Matt and Craig I think they were called. Now I know they were on drugs as they kept taking about them being speeders, except they didn't look fast to me girls.
Every time they passed on the track it was wierd , I know I was a little tipsy but I couldn't even focus on their pert bums, there legs were going round so fast. Like little hamsters they were.
Anyway they were 19th and got lost as they only did 13 laps, there you go kids drugs don't work.
Oh, and if you are wondering about the loose ring reference, its got nothing to do with chainring's, you don't want to know trust me.
Ferk they are ugly in the daylight, especially when you sober up, I'll get me coat.
Marin Dusk till Dawn 12 hrs - Thetford Forest The now well established 12 hour night race set of once again at 8pm, over 10 mile laps of Thetfords finest singletrack. Teams of 2,3 or 4 riders rode through the night in relay format, along with the brave solo riders. The rain eased just perfectly before the start to leave a fast dry course, as 200 teams and solos lined up for the le-mans style short run start. Numplumz riders were out in force in all categories.
Solo
Adi Scott flew round the first lap to lead all the solo riders, a position he maintained for 6 laps well into early morning. The fast pace took its toll though and he slipped back as the more experienced long distance men ground him down with there consistent pace.
After a really bad patch around 5am, Adi put in a few solid laps at sunrise to finally come home 4th , covering 15 laps, that's 150 miles folks in 12:15:45. Solo winner was Anthony White/ Stonefield cycles.
Pairs
Jack and Lloyd teamed up as Team Big Ring-Loose Ring for the hotly contested pairs race. Riders found themselves at the head of the whole race and put in the most laps overall. Bettles got in a great run and first lap to come round in 2nd spot, but already trailing the super fast Elite pairing of Graham Warby/Joe Bedingfield Aston hills racing, who lead throughout. As the night wore on Beyond Mountainbikes moved up to second spot and pulled away leaving the numplumz team to fend off the Ben Hayward Cycles pairing.
The two teams raced neck and neck for 8 hours, Big ring riding superbly would pull out a slight gap on Michael Cowland, hand over to the old man who could not keep with the charging Lee Sturman. They would pull back take 3rd back and then ease ahead.
Finally at 4am Lloyd handed over to Jack once more, this time he jumped onto Sturmans wheel and held it for the whole of the next lap, it was the break they needed. The Bigring meister then put the hammer down for his next lap and took 2 minutes out of their rivals and they eased clear from then on to finish a hard earned 3rd covering 17 laps in 12:35:50.
The Top 4 teams all completed 17 laps, with around 7 mins spacing between them all.
Our laps
Lloyd- 41:23 - 42:08 - 43:44 - 43:46 - 44:24 - 44:52 - 45:01 - 45:51 - 46:05
Jack- 42:27 - 43:45 - 44:45 - 45:37 - 46:09 - 44:33 - 46:11 - 45:09
Craig and Twinkletoes Matt also paired up on singlespeed machines and completed 13 laps in just over 12 hours for 19th place. Craig had a the fun of a puncture then snapped his tracknut spanner trying to get the wheel off. So if you were hit by a very fast lump of metal, that was it.
Result
1st 17laps in 12:21:00 ASTON HILLS RACING JOE BEDINGFIELD/GRAHAM WARBY
2nd 17laps at 07:08 BEYOND MTB'S DAVID NELSON/DYLAN BEXLEY
3rd 17laps at 14:50 NUMPLUMZ.COM JACK PETERSON/LLOYD BETTLES
4th 17laps at 22:17 BEN HAYWARD CYCLES MICHAEL COWLAND/LEE STRUMAN
19th 13laps in 12:01:43 TEAM NUMPLUMZ CRAIG SIMPSON/MATT BARRETT
The numplumz team of NIGEL SCOTT / ED MAIR / MARTIN CHAPMAN gave away one rider to the 4 man teams but this didn't stop them holding 2nd place all through the first half of the race.
They dropped to fourth as dawn broke but two superb fast laps from first Nigel Scott and then a flying Ed Mair pulled them back to 3rd overall, and agonizingly only 20 seconds down on the 2nd place team of 4; More years than gears.
The trio also received the Top 3 man team award for their 16 laps in 12:08:50.
Result
2nd 16laps 12:08:29 MORE YEARS THAN GEARS MIKE LAWRENCE/KELVIN BEAUMONT/MARK BURPITT/SPENCER
3rd 16laps 12:08:50 NUMPLUMZ.COM2 NIGEL SCOTT/ED MAIR/MARTIN CHAPMAN
LAPS
Ed - 44:32 45:26 45:00 47:38 46:59 44:34
Martin - 43:01 44:14 45:42 48:46 47:56
Nige - 42:32 43:55 46:07 48:37 43:51
How about a 4 man team next year guys.